How to Have Healthy Boundaries

Did anyone ever tell you that there’s a BIG difference between picking your battles and not letting yourself be walked all over?

It’s all good and well to be someone who doesn’t like to upset the apple cart. Maybe you’re one of those people who doesn’t like conflict so you let things slide in your life and your relationships more than you should…

Choosing to avoid conflict has a cost and can significantly damage your well-being. Trust me when I say, I’ve been there. Paaaainnnnful!

Not sticking up for yourself, your thoughts, feelings, desires and opinions for the sake of not upsetting others is a set up. You don’t get your needs met and you’re unable to fully be you.

If left unchecked it can cause serious challenges like:

❗ Harboring a growing resentment towards friends, family and partners.
❗ Losing sight of who you are, what you want and your relationship with yourself.
❗ Development of depression and anxiety and having overall low satisfaction with life.
❗ Not being able to experience full trust and love in a relationship, as you’re not allowing others to see the real you but a false and unsustainable version of you.
❗ Never getting what you want or what you need!!

So what’s the scoop on changing this bad habit around?

1. The first step is to ask yourself WHY?

Why do you feel you’re not sticking up for yourself? Is it the people you’re with or perhaps you’ve learned it’s safer to be a people pleaser?

2. The next step is to become AWARE.

Once you determine the why, it’s time to look at and be aware of your behavior in action. Don’t worry about changing your ways just yet. Just focus on being present and realize when it’s happening.

Once you spot it, you have more choice.

3. The next and final step: ADVOCATE!

When you get good at seeing your behavior in the moment, pause in that situation and transform into your own advocate! Put your superwoman cape on!

If it’s easier, pretend you’re your own best friend. Stand up for yourself in an assertive or clear way, even if that means telling someone “I have to think about it.” Step away.

If you’re someone who tends to have knee-jerk reactions and says “yes” to people when you really want to say no, it can be very helpful to distance yourself from that situation. Get a clear grasp on what you want and how you feel.

Never be afraid to take a few moments before responding (even if it feels hard to do!). AND BREATHE!

Follow these steps and you’ll find your relationships become much more satisfying. It may be a stretch for you, but it’s worth it!

Are You 40+, Single and Longing for Love?

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